


wherever you have gone, ill see you there

by yettheywereintrepid



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Letters, M/M, No Beta We Die Like The Mechs, is lyf dead???? (probably dont) find out next time!, sad boy hours for marius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yettheywereintrepid/pseuds/yettheywereintrepid
Summary: a collection of letters, never read.-title is from l.v.s (your lady waits) by shayfer james-
Relationships: (one sided), Lyfrassir Edda/Marius von Raum
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	wherever you have gone, ill see you there

Dearest Lyfrassir of the Eddas~

Your eyes are like diamonds, your hair shines so brightly in the space fluorescents of our jail cell, and your frown is a blessing from the space gods. Every reproach is worth it, just to hear your voice turned in my direction, to hold your gaze, burning as it is, for even a moment- One moment, my darling, Ivy of the homophobes is calling

\-------------

Lyf

I’m leaving this on your desk, if I get the chance, so if you’re reading this, hi, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would happen, none of us did, and now if I knew how to ask you to come with us, I would, but Ivy doesn’t want me to interrupt you until you’ve finished making your recordings, and Raph says we need to be gone by then. So, I’m sorry.

I guess, this is the time for me to tell the truth, huh? It’s essentially like telling no one at all, I think, if the person you tell’s star system’s got a dinner date with eldritch madness where it’s the main course. So. Here goes-

Actually, this is trickier than I thought-

Ok.

Uh.

I was telling the truth. Every moment of it. I know it seems like I’ve been kidding but, I really did mean it. You’re wonderful Lyf. I didn’t go about it the best way with you, I know, but it was enough just for you to look at me- you’re like the sun, and I’m a pretty shitty sunflower, actually, and this metaphor (or is it a simile??) is terrible but it’s what I’m working with here. 

Mostly, I just want you to know that you deserve to make it out of this. I want you to make it out of this. If anyone should, it’s you. I have been so lucky for our time and space to have met. I hope they do again someday. 

Marius

\-------------

Hey Lyf

So. Uh. It’s been a while, I guess. I haven’t really. I don’t know what to say to you. Maybe if I throw this out the airlock it would reach you? Brian seems pretty certain that you escaped for some reason, but he’s been on EJM every time I’ve been back so. Who knows, really! Can think of better things to throw out the airlock anyway.

How are you? Good I’m sure. Either good, or so terrible it doesn’t make a difference either way. Probably including the second option is rude but, oh well. I think we’re probably past formalities, you and I, and I think it would be weirder if I wasn’t mean to you.

I hope Brian’s right. I want to believe you’re out there on a little ship, banged up but alive. Or that one day I’ll end up in prison on some random planet and there you’ll be.

Gods. You know what I’d give to hear your voice again? Jonny’s trying to mimic it for the new album, but it’s just not the same. It has so much power, your voice. A resonance I’ve never heard in anyone else’s. Even now, I still feel it’s vibrations going through me sometimes. The last thing of yours I have left. 

I didn’t answer my own question. Sorry me (it’s quite alright, good sir). I’d give all of it up. Everything. My crew? Fuck them. My immortality? Gone. Fuck, Lyf. You could hand me a sword and I’d run myself through for you. I know that’s not healthy. But I said I’d tell the truth, not that the truth would be, pretty or whatever. Anyway, it’s not like anyone will ever read these. More like a morbid diary, or something. Write to your crush, who’s probably been consumed by squamous things from the spaces between realities. 

Write to you soon, I guess

Yours, always,

Marius

\-------------

Dear  ~~ Diary ~~ Lyf

I wish you could see this. Sunsets on Ceistea are always lovely, what with the whole “multiple suns” thing, and I can just hear you with some bored commentary on it. You’re probably the only thing that could outshine such a display, so I suppose the suns are probably grateful for the lack of competition. 

I was thinking, recently. About the first time we met- and by met I mean, you walked in, I pretended to swoon, you walked out again. I wonder if you even remember that. Probably not, I doubt it held the same significance to you. 

I’ve felt, for most of my, you’ll admit, very long, life, that there’s been something missing. I’ve tried all the usual space pirate routes of correcting that- violence, theft, democracy- and I tried a lot of other stuff that I’m not telling you even  _ if _ you’ll never read this because that way if Jonny ever learns how to read he won’t have any more than the others already know. And also because you’d probably/definitely hate me. More than you do already, anyway. But when you walked in that day- it was like a puzzle piece slotting into place. I’d always scoffed at love-at-first-sight (I think everyone who hasn’t experienced it does), but that’s all I can describe it as. I fell in love instantly. I looked at you and knew that you were as much a part of me as my arm- which is to say, separate, grafted on, but still the only thing keeping me going. Do you know how scary that is? To live your life for thousands of years with a pain that you learn to ignore, only to suddenly discover there’s exactly one person in the universe that can fix it, and you’re probably going to end up killing them with the Mechanics of Tragedy™? How the fuck was I supposed to deal with that, you know? A single fucking mortal, of all things, having that sway over my life. The others would have a field day- Ivy and Raph did, as I’m sure you noticed. 

I don’t remember what I was saying. Uh. The point is. _The point is_. Shit. 

The point is, if I could’ve worked out the sensible way to tell you how I felt in that moment, I would’ve in a heartbeat. Then I wouldn’t have fake swooned, and hey, maybe things would have been different. Maybe you’d be here. 

That’s an unrealistic thought. The narrative has it out for me in particular, so in all likelihood it would have let you die in my arms, or whatever funny trick it wanted to play. Like Brian and Mordred, and gods know Brian tried more than I did. He’s probably the only one who actually understands you, y’know. I think you’d have liked him. He’s steady, pretty stable even with the switch, and kinder than he has any right to be. You should have met Brian, maybe. Maybe _that_ would have helped. I have found that I'm generally the problem in situations. 

I hope you're doing well out there

Yours, always

Von Raum

\-------------

Hey Lyf

Happy funeral day! Yeah. I’ve. I don’t know, I did my best. There weren’t many books on Yggdrasil, but I dug out what I could last time I swung by Aurora, and here we are. 

Why now, you ask in your unfairly sonorous tones? 

Well, the little Lyf constantly in my head, you see, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that you’re dead. See, I said the words. D-E-A-D. You. No more hoping for the universe to decide having the two of us together would be more entertaining, no more searching for every white-haired stranger in a crowd. You’re gone. And maybe I need to do this to accept that. So I’ve got everything prepared! Even the body, I’m going to be fulfilling that role- it seems fitting, since you  _ were _ half my soul and all. I don’t think I was the same for you, but it’ll do. If I ever find whatever remains of you, I’ll do this again so you can have that rest. But until then this is the best I can give you. 

I don’t exactly have much cause to attend funerals, myself. Immortal friends do that to you. I probably haven’t been to one since we had the ceremony for Nastya. And I don’t think that was much like a traditional funeral, since as far as I’m aware the guests usually get to live. Not that I’m blaming Jonny, that time at least. This is sort of a funeral for them too- I’m certainly never going back there. I recorded my bit for the album they wrote, and got through exactly one show, so as far as I’m concerned I’ve fulfilled my duties there. Couldn’t listen to Jonny not be you anymore, anyway. 

I think- and oh gods please don’t freak out on me here- I think that I might have actually loved you. Just a little. I know I’ve said the l-word in these before but, even then I wasn’t taking the word seriously enough. Even saying you were literally a part of me wasn’t serious enough. Because you were more than that- it seems kind of unfair to diminish you to just the person who completed me; you were also a skilled investigator, an able banterer, a friend, and so many other things I was never privy to. You deserve to be remembered for those things way more. Like- that case with the smuggling ring? That was impressive- I remember you being in your office for days at a time, barely sleeping, and being so worried that you’d just keel over and die one day, but you know what, you did it. I think I’ll sing about that one day. In my solo act. Maybe I’ll start writing songs about Midgardian history, would that make you feel better? Knowing that some aspect of your home carries on? Or maybe you’d think it was trite nonsense, who knows? I wish I’d known you well enough to.

Well, anyway, I suppose I should stop procrastinating and actually get on with it. I’ll speak to you again soon, Lyf. 

Love,

Marius Von Raum (phd.)


End file.
